Crush Woes

Crush Woes

Q:

Hello Bridget!

I'm moeka from Japan:) I don't know what to do about love and I need some advice. Also I was a little bit curious if you really reply so I'm gonna ask here.

First of all,sorry for my bad English. Hope you understand 😵

I like a guy who's been going steady with his gf for 5 years. I tell him I have feelings for him for 6 months now. Once I asked him to come over my room to talk,he came and he was making love to me. This made me crazy about him. 
He wants to stay friends with me but I don't. He might hate me coz I know he's always busy with his work but I call and text him a lot, I'm too annoying for him. I heard that hes thinking of marrying her. The problem is that I hate myself so much when it comes to him and I can't let him go. I don't want to let him go. Any advice please?

A:

Hi there! First off, I do reply 😀 your test has been proven!

Ok. This is a messy situation. And I’m sorry to say, but it is a situation in which you need to walk away.

This guy, who has been dating his girlfriend for five years cheated on her with you. Odd’s are, if he cheated once, he will do it again. I don’t see much strength of character here. Of course I don’t know their situation – maybe that is a part of their dynamic and they have talked about it and are cool with it. But if they haven’t, he has deceived her and that isn’t ok. You need to walk away. I don’t know if you know her at all, but try to see things from her perspective. This is her long-term boyfriend, a man she has invested a lot of time in and they are thinking of getting married. Unfortunately you don’t get to make the calls in this circumstance.

My advice to you is to completely cease all contact. Block his social media, block his phone number, and give yourself zero opportunity to talk or run into him. The only way you can get over another human is space. If you are constantly around them, or in contact with them the wound just gets reopened. So you need to stop calling and texting him. You need to see – this guy doesn’t feel the same way about you. If he did, he would have made changes in his life for you. But he hasn’t. You need to face the facts and protect yourself now.

Fill your life now with experiences and people that make you feel happy. A little distraction goes a long way! Start working out, take up a new sport, meditate, travel, learn a new skill, join a new circle of people and make new friends. There are loads of other people out there who don’t cheat, and who will love you for who you are. Ensure that you have created space in your life to recognize them when they come along. Which brings me to my next point. Make the most of the time on your own – you learn so much about yourself in the years you are single. When you only have to worry about yourself you learn how to stand strong and support yourself. You learn what you will and will not stand for, and you learn how to keep your sense of self when you do start dating someone.

And maybe you should try talking to a therapist if you just can’t shake this crush. They can help you to figure out why and how.

Hang in there! Block all contact. And make space in your life for the right person to come along. Because they will 😀

 

Love,

Bridget