Happy new year everyone! I definitely like the vibe of a new year, I feel like it is a great zero point for goals. I also feel that new years resolutions can be a bit wishy washy. New year, new me etc. Every year since I was 16 I have resolved to get my drivers license, and, at 27 I still haven’t even begun the process. I also tend to forget my resolutions pretty quickly, and just slip into old habits. Definitely human. However, I have two projects that I have been mulling over for a minute now, so why not make them concrete and commit myself to following through with them! The more people who know your resolutions, the more likely you are to follow through with them after all.
Only read literature by women
This was a little project I started when I read Gay Talese’s quote about not knowing a single female author who shaped his work. And his follow up comment about the content female writers chose to work with. Then I overheard a friend talking about his favorite books and authors (all men). And my favorite authors (majority men). This is not ok for me. Thanks to the gender disparity, female writers tend to have to fight extra hard to get attention. I am female, and understand this, having lived it. Since I began this project December 2018, I have read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, Boys Will Be Boys by Clementine Ford, Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Even Silence Has an End by Ingrid Betancourt and Asymmetry by Lisa Halliday. I am so happy with how this has worked out already. To be able to read a book and actually place yourself within the characters is amazing. No one can capture a woman’s story and place in history like a woman. I am reading about women who I can relate to, and want to embody, and I trust the interpretation is honest by the writer. Also, in reading women only, you support female authors. This is good.
Start a YouTube channel/podcast
I have been preoccupied with this project for a while now, and have never gotten around to starting it. There are a number of reasons for this. I have always struggled with talking to new people, and feel imposter syndrome immensely (I hope to help this with resolution number one). I also don’t want to do a YouTube channel that is completely centered around myself, I feel as though I have a blog and an instagram for that. I am also better at writing than talking (I hope anyway), and have always found it tricky to articulate my feelings in the moment. I am more of a walk away, have a think, and come back to you. But, new year, new me (lolz). Probably about time I let go of the scared child archetype and embrace the bad bitch instead.
I would love to hear your ideas for a YouTube channel. I have my own ideas, but would love to know who would be interested, and what you would want to watch! I nearly had this project up and running last year, but instead had a nervous breakdown and had to take time off from modeling. That was a definite bummer, and took me quite a while to get myself back to a place of confidence in my abilities. Which brings me to resolution number three. This is probably the washiest of them all, but to me, it is the most important.
Pay attention to myself
I spent way too long last year with my hands in my ears, ignoring all my bodies warning signals. I had anxiety attack after another, weeks of being unable to get out of bed, skipped workouts, trying to compensate by drinking more, eating junk food to cope with pain etc. All very out of character for me (obviously I eat junk food sometimes, sometimes drink enough to be hungover, and skip workouts because lazy, but last year it became the norm, instead of the exception) and instead of paying attention to what was happening, I just covered my eyes and shoved my fingers in my ears until my body forced me to pay attention… And landed me in hospital. And stalled my capability to work. It sucked, hard. But, it lead to my diagnosis with PMDD, and my gradual return to stability (as much as you can have with PMDD anyway). So listen to myself a little more. I intend to achieve this through exercise and quiet time.
There you have it! My resolutions. I might get my drivers license this year, but no promises. Especially living in NYC – no real reason. I actually feel quite excited for this year. I left nothing unsaid for once, and have a firm understanding on why I am the way I am. Whilst it doesn’t make life easier, it certainly leaves me feeling less unstable. Knowledge is power.
I wish you all the best for this year, and know that I am here with you. I really look forward to writing regularly here this year – and always love to hear from you for ideas. Never hesitate to reach out (I do try to respond to everything!), and let me know ideas for a YouTube channel… I am open to everything.
Much love to you all!