I have now been married for nearly 1.5 years, and it has been the absolute best. I had no idea how much I would enjoy making a commitment to one human for the rest of my life – nor did I realize how much it would affect our relationship. I feel like I have learned more in the past 1.5 years than in all the years I spent dating, and feel so lucky to have married such an amazing human. Read on to learn the eight biggest lessons I have learned from my husband, and our relationship!
Don’t get married if there are any doubts in your mind.
This isn’t something you or your partner should enter into lightly; you owe it to each other to be completely certain that this is what you want. Before planning a wedding spend the time being single and learning who you are and what you want. You can’t be solid with another human until you are solid with yourself.
When you are sorry, apologize.
No “sorry, but” or “sorry if my actions hurt you”. Just say sorry! Be a good human and own your mistake. If you are sorry, then mean it. A half apology is worse than no apology; it leaves both parties feeling frustrated and unheard, and is a recipe for trouble down the line.
Make time for each other.
My husband and I both live extremely busy lives, and travel alone a lot. So whenever I can, he comes first. We talk daily, I always answer his texts as quickly as I can (and vice versa) and when we are together, we really make the most of it. This isn’t out of a sense of obligation either – I miss him hugely when I’m not around him, and love his company more than any other human.
Learn an activity together.
My husband and I play backgammon daily, surf and paddleboard together, and have recently taken up paddle tennis together. It is fun to learn a skill together, and to have some mild competition each day. Plus getting some exercise (both mental and physical) together is a great feeling.
Talk it out.
My husband has really taught me how to communicate. Once we were married, it became essential to get to the root of any (albeit rare) arguments. We are committed to each other for life, and any returning themes in our arguments need to be faced and sorted out.
Learn to argue correctly.
We never, EVER, say derogatory things to each other. We have never called each other names, sworn at each other, or generally said anything that attacks the others character. Our arguments are about only the incident at hand; not about the person responsible.
Tell each other how much you love each other, as much as you can.
It is a great feeling to hear how loved you are. Don’t play games and leave your partner wondering. Games are for kids!
My favorite times are when we are losing it over a dumb video, or something one of us said, or another person. You are in it for the long haul here, so it is fairly important to actually like their company!
At the end of the day, appreciate them for who they are. You shouldn’t be with someone with the intention of changing them; people only change when they want to, so love them for who they are. Have the utmost respect for them and their character, and those feelings will be reciprocated. There is no better feeling than a partner who makes you feel seen and heard - so show them the love they deserve and it will come back to you tenfold!