Vegans & Relationships

Vegans & Relationships

Q:

Hi Bridget! I recently started a relationship with a really really incredible person, all I ever wished for really, but I'm vegan and he's not. My previous relationship was with a vegan so it was much easier in that matter, I'm still trying to get used to go out with someone ordering a meat plate, but I try not to let that interfer on all the positivity that this person has brough into my life. I would like to know your opinion over this, is your husband vegetarian? How do you think of it in a long term thought - like child rising? Thanks ! RB from Brazil

A:

Hi! Congratulations on finding someone who really makes you happy. That is the most important thing in life, and when finding a partner. Who cares how he eats – the way he eats does not define him as a human.

My husband is not a vegan, nor would I ever pressure him into being one. His health and happiness is of paramount importance to me, and he thrives eating meat. End of conversation. If down the line something went wrong, and he began to get sick, we would have a conversation about his lifestyle choices. But in the meantime, he is his own person, and I have enough respect and love for him to trust that he knows what he is doing. For the record, he also adopts this approach with me. We are both respectful of the others choices in life and I believe that is a big reason as to why we work together so well.

My biggest peeve with vegans and veganism is the extremes in nature that tend to take place within the community. Eating plants is great, and I think everyone should eat more. But I think that for health reasons – you will never catch me judging another human for how they eat. I hate reading stories of ex-vegans having to quit due to health reasons, and then looking at the comments on their articles. There are death threats, wars between commenters, and just the worst sides of human nature spewing out on the web page. That to me is the complete opposite of the vibe veganism is trying to put out there. These “warriors” spend much more time fighting other humans and bringing more darkness into the world than light. Who would want to dabble in plant based eating if that was the community?!

I assume you have had a conversation with him about veganism, and he has let you know that he will not be changing his eating patterns. So I say drop the topic. You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink. Lead by example – work together when choosing restaurants to cover both of your eating habits, and expose him to how yummy veganism can be. But do not – for the love of god – DO NOT get preachy on him. This converts maybe 0% of people to veganism. Just do your thing, respect him doing his, and enjoy this amazing new relationship.

As far as child raising, deal with it when you get to it. Maybe save it for once you guys are engaged, or when it is an actual thing on the horizon. Also, who knows how either of you will be eating when it is time to have children. Peoples needs for nutrition change as they age; in a few years maybe you will be eating meat, or maybe he will be a fruitarian. You never know, so why get worked up about something unnecessarily! Just let life happen and enjoy it.

Remember – a person is not defined by their eating habits! So love him for who he is, not what he chooses to eat.

I hope this helps!

 

Love,

Bridget