How do you know when you have found 'The One'?

How do you know when you have found 'The One'?

Q:

I was wondering how you knew your husband was "the one"? I read about love at first sight and one true love, but how do you know if someone is the one?

A:

I don't believe in love at first sight. I think there is lust and limerence at first sight, but that fades fast. What is left is the most important part of a relationship. You have to want to be open to your partners feelings about everything, and you have to want to make life better for them. Having respect for your other half at all times is without a doubt the most important aspect for keeping the lines of communication open and loving. I never want Nathaniel to be hurt by me, and I truly trust that he feels the same way. 

As far as someone being "the one", I really am not sure how I feel about that. When Nathaniel and I got together I had the most calming feeling of being with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with from the very start. It was the most done deal I've ever experienced so in that regard I do believe in "the one". But I think this concept is fluid. As you grow and experience new things it changes; "the one" for me five years ago is different to now (I had known Nathaniel for years before we started dating). I do believe in the right person to grow with you though. Personally, we both have made changes for the other; we have changed behaviors for the others benefit, and are constantly checking in with the other about how they are feeling in life. This is a habit that we will continue to cultivate until the day we die. If you don't feel like you are both heading in the same direction, separately, but together, then it will fall apart.

I have had relationships in the past where I was not their number one, where I put up with behaviors that I would never tolerate now. I feel like my relationship with Nathaniel bloomed at exactly the right moment for me - when I was prepared to put in the work and selflessness required for a healthy relationship. I do believe that you get what you are ready for, and I had spent most of my life being extremely independent and self sufficient. Nathaniel showed me that I could rely on him, and this created the amazing loving union we share today.

So I'm not sure! I'm sorry I can't give you a clear cut answer - love is so subjective, and without careful observance, all consuming. I would advise you to not actively look for someone, work on yourself and experience as much as you can single. It will force you to grow and stand on your own. I know that the right person will come along if you are strong in yourself; you will be able to work together instead of being engulfed by the other. And at the end of the day, you have to really really REALLY like the person you're with - you have to enjoy their company, want to be with them a lot, and you have to respect them. Treat them with the respect and love you desire and I know you will find the peace, love and joy I have with Nathaniel.

 

Peace and Love,

Bridget